Author Topic: Jokes Thread  (Read 6571 times)

Calamity Jane

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #45 on: May 09, 2019, 03:56:13 pm »
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.  Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Bible in its mouth.  The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.  He took the book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name was written inside the cover."

Pip

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #46 on: May 09, 2019, 08:05:11 pm »
A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed in the next county over.  The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt."

Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

Pip

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #47 on: May 09, 2019, 08:10:03 pm »
In a shop that sold religious items was a display of baseball caps with "WWJD" printed on them.

Customer: "WWJD?  What does that mean?"

Clerk: "WWJD stands for 'What Would Jesus Do' "

Customer: "Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't pay $23.95 for one of these baseball caps."

Pip

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #48 on: May 16, 2019, 08:01:27 pm »
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour, the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark, cob-web filled, rooms and passages.  "Don't worry," says the guide. "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here."

"How long is that?" asks the girl.

"About three hundred years."

Mrs Catweazel

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #49 on: May 30, 2019, 06:41:11 pm »
Father O'Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He said, "The trouble with the world today is that some people have too much and others have too little. We must give of ourselves and our worldly goods to help the less fortunate."

He said to Paddy, "If you had ten thousand pounds, wouldn't you give half of it to the poor?"

He said, "I would that, Father."

The priest said, "If you had two greyhounds, wouldn't you give one of them to your neighbour next door?"

Paddy said, "No."

The priest said, "And why not?"

He said, "I have two greyhounds."

Pip

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Re: Jokes Thread
« Reply #50 on: June 18, 2019, 10:17:53 pm »
This guy had a problem of oversleeping. He was always late for work, and his boss was getting mad. So he went to the doctor and got some pills that were supposed to help.  That night he slept well and woke up even before the alarm!  He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.  "Boss", he said. "The pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"

"That's fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"